Already got asked if we're dating
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
