You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
