I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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