Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
