I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
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My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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