The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
