I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
