I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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