I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
