my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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