I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
