She is in my trunk
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
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Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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