take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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