franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
