I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
