So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
two words: eviction party
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
