Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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