will power is for people who don't want to get laid
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
