I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
