M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
