I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
