Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
