So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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