They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
