I swear she didn't look like that last week.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
