3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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