no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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