I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
