I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My feet surprised me
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