remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
