I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
