girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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