i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
