When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
