im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
