Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
