his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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