why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
