Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
send nudes
from the living room?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
