i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
