There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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