My boss' voice literally gives me gas
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm passing your future prison.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
