Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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