My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
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So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
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You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...