the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize