He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I've blown a few things in my day
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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