hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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