I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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