You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
