I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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