we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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