fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
