Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
