I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i think my cat just said my name.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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