I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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