he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
