You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I want to have your abortion
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
