It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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