Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
