Got a toothbrush?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
