I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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