As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
