how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
