I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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