time to smoke my breakfast
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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