i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im holly from the hills drunk
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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